Mad Izatie - Rants and Antics

Art Rant - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds's "Stagger Lee"

2011-07-26T06:05:00.010+12:00

This here badass mo'fo' song as performed by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, and it tells the tale of one Stagger Lee Shelton; but set in the 1932s, which is a bit weird, cause he died in 1912. ...I will allow the excuse of artistic licence for this. ...come to think of it, I'm starting to think that there's another dude out there named Stagger Lee, but I Googled high and low for one with no such luck.

What you might not know is that Stagger Lee is an African American criminal back in the early 1900s', and as the song mentions, he was quite the badass. He was described by Cecil Brown as"[...a character that] belonged to a group of pimps known in St. Louis as the 'Macks'. The macks were not just 'urban strollers'; they presented themselves as objects to be observed." The cultural significance of this dude's legend is the stuff great crime films are made of. He's an archetype of the badass criminal who is so confident in his masculinity, he doesn't care if you're a dude, if you need to be taught a lesson, boy will he do it, even if it means using his dick on you.

Back in the days, most of America was still into that "whites only" mentality, and so for a black dude to cause break the law, wreaking havoc and disturbing the peace... well, Mr John Johnson and his wife, Mrs Jane Johnson [archetype middle class Americans of the time] did not feel safe; the guys at Scotland Yard must be summoned! ...wait, that's the British. Oh well, them po' pos' all look the same.

The central theme of the song (in case you haven't noticed by now) is sex and violence. Two powerful forces that smash us upon the rocks of life. ...worst metaphor ever? WTF?!

The thing about sex and violence is that it's the kind of thing that transcends borders; it's a culturally universal aspect of life that affects each and every one of us in many different ways. And so when listening to this song, I could sometimes imagine seeing myself stepping into his shoes. Not that I enjoy killing rude bartenders and humping fat boy rear ends; God, no. I'm just saying; they're the kinds of things that we know can affect you severely, and yet for some people, they could just inflict it upon others with callous disregard for the other party. Such is the human condition. People can sometimes be assholes.

Now before we begin, I have to state that I do not condone violence of any kind. This song just happens to treat the subject with neutrality, and to appreciate it, you have to look at it in a neutral way. It's almost comedic; it's what allows us to get through with life. This is why homicide detectives joke around about their jobs; not because they care, but because they care so much, that if they allowed their feelings to get involved, they might lose perspective, which in turn hinders them from doing their jobs. It's a tough world. Someone has to clean up after all the assholes, and if the have to make fun of it to survive dealing with it, so be it, as long as they can do their job and nail the perp to the wall. ...but I digress,

Consider this my pitch for a Stagger Lee video if I had to star in it and be the main character. It's the only way I could relate this to you.

Bad ol' Stagger Lee. He's a badass dude, and if I were to step in his shoes, I'd have my hair slicked back kinda like how Johnny Depp wears his hair occasionally. Kinda like this:

But instead of wearing a bikers jacket, I'd wear a black buttoned up vest, bell bottom slacks and high heels; kinda like Lady Gaga in Alejandro:

And uh... yeah. Somehow depict all the insanity in the song while trying to avoid an X rating from the censors. Which I imagine will be pretty difficult.

I can imagine myself in the shoes of the other people mentioned in the song, like the bartender, and the popular call girl in town. If you look at it from Stagger Lee's point of view, all you see is cool control, and bad ass vibes. But if you look at it from the other character's point of views, you get different feelings about it all, and I find that to be interesting. Why is such a man glorified? I as a woman should understand how despicable sex and violence can be when mixed. But the thing is, it's a primal thing. We're all capable of it, but we don't, because if you are sane, you'd have self control. Unfortunately, there are people out there who do not restrain themselves. You can guess where it goes from there, yeah? Both men and women are capable of violence; a quick look back at history and the line "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" should be a big enough hint.

...yeah, this wasn't my most coherent of rants, but hey, this song is badass. I could play all the characters, even. Though it might be a bit difficult to find a hooker costume from the 1930s that won't get me in trouble with the parentals...

Al-fatihah for Norway 93

2011-07-25T10:28:00.002+12:00

Today, I spare a thought for the people of Norway, and to the families of those lost in the tragedy.

Firstly, I would like to say that religious prejudice is no excuse for any person to take a life. There is no reason for anyone to kill a person because they pray to different Gods, or have different views about what is right or what is wrong. Hate cause by any kind of difference is hate all the same; and hate will eventually lead to violence.

Wars being waged, people are dead, and now this asshole. I mean really, where does it end? Some of his friends and fans (and believe me, in this fucked up world, anything is possible, and this is as likely as fire when you put match on kerosene) are probably rejoicing at the pain that they caused to the families of the 93 victims.

Personally, just hearing about this kinda shit diminishes more and more of my faith in humanity. Do we really deserve to survive as a species? This discriminating and snuffing life out as though playing God... Astaghfirullah. I feel sorrowful every time I think about how fucked up the world is. I can only do my part in making it a better world by spreading words of love, words of hope, and to forgive others because often times, it's the only thing we can do.

I'm listening to Alejandro by Lady Gaga, and it just happens to be snowing today. I am reminded of the Orwellian music video, and how religion plays into all this. I've come to realize that people use religion to control others. This is why they shun liberal media; it shows the brutality of the situation all too clearly. I've heard of the excuse where 'it's not religion, it's politics.' But these fuck heads are using religion to enforce their political agenda. We've all seen it. Don't try and blame it on culture or nationality; the prevalence of culture in the world of religion is freaking obvious, blind people see it.

Art Rant - Linkin Park

2011-07-25T00:59:00.007+12:00

I've always been a fan of Linkin Park. I first bought their Hybrid Theory album when MTV still had mail in request shows where they read the gaudiest request card that was sent in; I had a green walkman and cassette tapes. That's right, folks; my first Linkin Park album was on casette! ...these days, it's all on my mp3 player function on my Blackberry. Suddenly, I'm feeling nostalgic.

It feels weird to use that word; 'nostalgic.' I'm not that old! I'm 23, for fuck's sake!!!!! NO! I'm not old. I'm a big kid, is what I am. Ask my parents; they'll tell you that though I may have book smarts, I'm still a loud, obnoxious little punk pixie that I was 10 years ago.

But I digress. My taste in music is just a part of me. And Linkin Park has always had a special place in my heart because their music lulled me to sleep when I was feeling alone and friendless. Their music helped me get through the tough parts of childhood. I remember the songs In The End, Crawling, and Place For My Head; these were among the few that I would repeat. And on a walkman, it wasn't always easy. I had to rewind it, and I got pretty good at guessing how long I had to wait before pressing the play button. Most times, I pressed just before the music would start. :D

But I was laughed at for liking them. I was laughed at by the guys who quizzed me on how to spell Wes Borland (dude from Limp Bizkit) and when I spelled it correctly, the dude asking the question looked at all the other guys and nodded, like a gangsta would to signal to his gang that yes, I provided the right password and I am allowed to enter the evil lair. Yes; this was the shit I had to put up with as a kid.

My mum asked me once, would I hug Mike Shinoda (whom I had a crush on at the time) if I ever happened to meet him. I said yes, and she told me off. See, in Islam, we're not allowed to hug men who aren't family. ...but I'd still hug you, man. The entire band. Hell, I'll cook dinner, you guys play in my livingroom until my blind neighbour texts me telling me to quieten down because the music is making his guide dog howl. Or we could hang out in the garage. Whatever. Either way, I'm cooking.

....I LOVE YOU GUYS!

Where's all the politicking?

2011-07-16T10:29:00.002+12:00

...it's on facebook now. THEY CAN'T STOP US! ...unless they ban facebook, which is downright censorship. I don't think we'll take that lying down. No way, José.

Freedom is ours, kawan-kawan!

Rant number [I haven't a clue]

2011-07-16T09:44:00.006+12:00

Been trying to rein in the crazy that my mind lets loose. Sometimes, I feel like the world might laugh and spit me out.

As a little kid, I would always have nightmares about being sent to school, left there, only to find that the place was completely empty. It scared the life out of me. I don't know why I have such deep seated anxieties about school, but it's been there since I could remember. It's always the same dream; I'm alone in the courtyard during assembly, feeling so abandoned in a place that was cold, and intimidating. ...well it wasn't cold literally. I lived in the fucking tropics; cold is when it's raining cats and dogs. That's as cold as it'll ever get. ...but I digress.

High school was no better; at least in primary school, the compound was smaller. In high school, the buildings were intimidatingly tall; about 3 story. Everyday I walked through the schoolyard, feeling like I was walking up to a grey place, void of colour. ....that previous sentence gives off an oxymoron kinda vibe. Or maybe I'm thinking about it too much.

This anxiety still haunts me. I have one last paper to complete my BA. But recent events have set me back in terms of how I'm coping with life. It's been rough. Tears and panic attacks kinda bad. I cried so much, I got massive headaches because of it.

I'm trying to deal with it. And step one is to say FUCK YOU SCHOOL!

How did they manage to suck the fun and life out of learning? When I learn stuff off of the discovery channel, I always feel curious, intrigued, interested and fascinated. The schools I've been to all suck the life out of it! There is no passion in the lessons. History, for example. Films bring to life history, and depending on whose point of view it's told from, you feel like you're there, experiencing the trials and hardships of the people at the time. ...this is why I can't watch WW2 themed films. I always think about my late grandparents and young uncles and aunts, and think of how life must have been back then.

But when it comes to school, they read the facts out to us in a painfully dry monotone. I got in trouble for falling asleep in class a lot. But can you blame me? It was so painfully boring, and I was desperate to be entertained. Learning should be FUN, DAMMIT. It's enlightening, it's elevating, it's ALL THAT JAZZ! But school was anything but! I hated school and I waved my dislike around proudly like a war banner. I'm not just a disgruntled student; I'm a disgruntled citizen because there is so much to learn about our country, but it's just disappearing in dusty books because they sucked the life out of it! It's not just the syllabus. It's the teachers. I'm not naming names, but I remembered one thing about my history teachers was that they all bored me to death. And because I was wasn't interested in listening to their bumbling about dates, names and places, I was always scolded. ....you have no idea how I wished for retaliation.

I loved form 2 science, though. I can't remember the name of the teacher, but she was well loved by everyone, even the class clowns and hard heads. She was jolly, inviting, down to earth, and she was also great with communicating with students. She didn't have this 'holier than thou' attitude which many teachers have. Yes, there are good teachers out there, but the ones I had were all sucky! They were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked! Back to form 2 science teacher. She as nice. I liked her. She always laughed and kept the atmosphere light. I felt like I was having fun learning. Aside from biology form 4, form 2 science was a great class. I enjoyed the experiments. In other classes, it felt like we were Nazi prisoner scientists; failure to procure desired results will lead to something horrifying. Like being loudly scolded by the teacher for being such a slow learner. Just cram a sock in it, please.

....this was a rant by a very angry student.

Art Rant - Lady Gaga's 'The Queen'

2011-07-04T08:54:00.004+12:00

I love this song. Lyrics available here.

In this song, Gaga tells us of her pride for embracing her femininity in all its glory. ...I suppose this post will be one of those posts that discuss the lyrics. If you're ok with that, I'm all game.

Anyway. Let the art rant commence!

The first verse, Gaga sings to us in these poetically written words that she is an empowered woman, and that she is brave enough to face anything. She knows of her success, but for true love, she would give it all away.

Well, that was the vibe that I got. To claim the title of 'queen' is a pretty daring thing to do, and Gaga tells us that she feels the killer queen within. But for just the right man, she would watch it burn. Ah, Lady Gaga must be a romantic at heart.

Throughout the song, she expresses herself, telling us how she's going to embrace life as a woman and live life to its fullest. She describes herself as wind and hurricane, forces of nature that can be ruthless, and as the storm sky and rain, which has the potential to be destructive, but can bring rain which is the source of all life. You know what they say about a woman scorned; hell hath no fury like it. But if you're good, you'll know love and affection like you've only ever dreamed of.

Then the bridge with the 'bitch' word censored. BOO! She says how she gets called a bitch when she's being the strong person that she is. It happens. I've felt it. You show the world of your confidence, show them that you can be as fearless and as ruthless as the others, and people start seeing you as a threat. This is when they resort to name calling. I've been called names before. Whatever. :P RIGHT BACK AT'CHA is what usually comes to mind.

I don't know what 14 karat guns is supposed to mean, but I assume it means diamond ring; and to me, it feels like she's saying how she doesn't need to be somebody's wife to feel like she's worth something. It's sad how we've been schooled into believing that we women are destined to be just someone's wife. Some women use this as their ammo against women who are empowered; it nags at a private secret close to one's heart about the desires to be loved and cherished.

Then the final verse of the song rolls around, accompanied by change in melody. This part felt familiar to me. To me, it felt like she was welcoming all that was under the heavens into her soul, but hopes that heaven will not forget her when she comes knocking. This feels like a reference to how certain things people see as immoral or inappropriate, and being an open minded woman is still a foreign concept to people; they look at you, like trying to let you know that they think you're not being very ladylike or something like that. There is a stereotype about how women are dumb and whatever, because that might just be what weaker men need to feel strong. And those blonde jokes. Oy vey. But being open minded is also not right for a woman, according to chauvinists at the religious department. (I'll move on before this becomes a feminazi rant.) I once was called a hardened woman for being so opinionated. Or something like that; I don't know, it's a direct translation. I mean, what the hell is that supposed to mean? That I am no longer a delicate woman if I am opinionated? That really pissed me the fuck off.

And she tells us that she'll fly on a Challenger (I assume it's a reference to the Challenger Space Shuttle) across the sky. ...if you recall, the Challenger didn't do so well. It's like she's acknowledging that people are expecting her to fall from her state of fame and glory, the way the Challenger exploded mid-flight. But no matter; even if she did, she won't die; she's like a phoenix, rising from the ashes! It's a rebirth theme, which she's big on in her latest album, and is notably the central theme to her Born This Way music video. The more you improve, a new you is born. Or something like that. (This feels somewhat Inception-like all of a sudden.) She is a phoenix rising from the ashes, reminding us of the dream she bore. The dream of all little monsters. It is fitting that she is the Mother Monster. <3

Art Rant - Black Swan starring Natalie Portman

2011-06-28T22:59:00.008+12:00

A psychological thriller set in the world of New York City ballet, BLACK SWAN stars Natalie Portman as Nina, a featured dancer who finds herself locked in a web of competitive intrigue with a new rival at the company (Mila Kunis). A Fox Searchlight Pictures release by visionary director Darren Aronofsky (THE WRESTLER), BLACK SWAN takes a thrilling and at times terrifying journey through the psyche of a young ballerina whose starring role as the duplicitous swan queen turns out to be a part for which she becomes frighteningly perfect.

This film tells the tale of one Nina Sayers, a ballerina who lives with her overbearing stage mom who treats her like a child. After Nina is appointed the lead in the company's next production called Swan Lake, she struggles trying to embody the character of the Black Swan who is more sensual, daring and confident; everything that Nina is not. We see how a girl grows up into being a woman; but she has a few things working against her, and she needs to overcome things in order to be able to dance the role of the evil twin, the Black Swan.

First of all, how can you be sensual and embrace your womanhood when you have a mother dressing you up at that age. We see her mother at the beginning of the film putting her sweater on for her, then noticing the rash on her back, asks her in an authoritative kinda way, which irritates the fuck out of me. Her mother calls the secretary at the company to check on Nina, and to keep tabs on her, so truly, even in her world of dance is her mother controlling her. Nina is reminded constantly of her mother's choice of giving up her career to have her; by guilting her, Nina's mother keeps her trapped in that child-like emotional state. Whatta biatch, eh?

I can relate to how Nina has trouble in embracing the Black Swan character. The White Swan character she does effortlessly; in a way, we're all meek and fragile like that. But when it came time to perform the Black Swan, she had trouble. How do you dance and let the audience know of the character's personality? In dance, it's all about the sensuality and confidence you exude while dancing; it's as subtle as how hard you strike a pose, to being as obvious as how passionately you pirouette. And all this comes from within. But how can you dance how you feel when you've never even felt confident or sensual before? Nina Sayers lives her life in a 12 year old girl's room (pink wall paper, stuffed toys on every surface) and subsequently, she acts like she's 12, even though she's supposed to be a grown ass woman.

In the film, we see how Nina grows up and ventures into the real world; she meets Lily, a fellow dancer at the company, who is Nina's exact opposite; she's carefree, sensual, sexual, and daring. And her dance reflects that; Thomas the director even said that she's not faking it (simply because YOU JUST CAN'T FAKE THIS SHIT.) Lily shows Nina how to live live on the edge, and being the sheltered thing that she is, she practically threw herself at life with everything she had.

As the film progresses, we see the colour of her outfit change. These days, fashion plays quite an important role in films. In the beginning, we see her wake up wearing a pink tank top with pink bows on the straps. It doesn't look like something a woman would wear; it looks like something a child would wear. Later on, when she goes out with Lily, we see her put on a lacy black tank top. Black has always meant dark, seductive, secretive, devious and wicked to me, and to see her character development being reflected in her clothes is what makes this film a true masterpiece. It doesn't neglect any artistic possibility. Even make up; when Nina went to Thomas to ask for the role, she wore the lipstick she took from the previous leaf female's dressing room. And I confess, as a girly girl, this former tomboy likes make up. I love dressing up because it makes me feel good. Confident. We see in the film how Nina does what most women would do when they feel like they need a bit more pep in their step.

And when she danced the Black Swan... I had chills. It's my favourite scene of the film. You see her transformation reflected in her dance. She danced with confidence, pirouetting with vigour, and finishing strong. It was rapture. It was a woman dancing with reckless abandon, but with the grace of a ballerina. We all want to be the Black Swan. She's not the girl who gets pushed around. She's not the girl who lets her mother treat her like she's 12 anymore. She's the strong woman that intimidates people, including men. Powerful men.

Nina becomes more daring throughout the film, and this allows her dancing to progress. We see how even the director notices; she's embraced her sensuality, and is able to dance the Black Swan. Despite the benefit that the wild lifestyle provides to her in terms of her dancing, Nina's mental condition begins to deteriorate, and she spirals out of control. ....gender studies student in me is inclined to mention how this is the tragedy of being a female in this cruel world. You're scared to the point of believing that you're worthless; then comes time where you need to let go of all that. It's not easy. It played mind tricks with Nina. It played mind tricks with me too because I related to that. I knew how it felt. The need to let go of the anxiety and insecurity can sometimes drive one to destruction. The familiarity of this leaves me feeling awestruck. Darren Aronofsky did a wonderful job directing the film. The photography was great, the style of the film in terms of camera movement added to the frantic feel of the film. Everything was arranged just as it should have been.

Seduction, innocence, corruption, suspense, drama, psychological thriller... IT HAS IT ALL! I totally recommend this film.

Was that too wordy?

Anyhow, I thought this film was beautifully made. They couldn't have picked a better actress than Natalie Portman. She spent 6 months training for this film, and the result definitely reflects how much work she put into her dancing. Jealous! I'm hot for Natalie Portman. :P And to be able to portray such a range of emotions; THAT'S acting. Not stiff dialogue reading like Kristen Stewart.

Art Rant - Lady Gaga's 'Alejandro'

2011-06-26T21:19:00.006+12:00

For the record, this has got to be my favourite Lady Gaga music video. I love the concept; the music, the video, the themes and references... someone said it was practically a love letter to the gay community. And rightfully so.

First of, let's start with what the song is about. According to Mütter Monster,

"[It's about the] purity of my friendships with my gay friends, and how I've been unable to find that with a straight man in my life. It's a celebration and an admiration of gay love—it confesses my envy of the courage and bravery they require to be together. In the video I'm pining for the love of my gay friends—but they just don't want me to be with them."

Love is hard to come by. It's hard enough trying to find someone who loves you for you, and who will overlook all of your imperfections long enough to feel unconditional care and affection for you. And to share your life with this person as partners is a privilege that only a select few are able to enjoy.

Unfortunately for Gaga, she tells us that she can't find that kind of pure connection with a straight man. Her gay friends might understand her, but they don't love her the way she needs to be loved. And unfortunately for many gays around the world, homosexuality is still considered as a crime.

We see in the video that the dance troupe is presented to us in a militaristic manner; their choreography reminds me of military drills. Their outfits and dance moves, however, are very fashionable and are a definite reference to the arts industry which as we all know is where most of the world's prominent gay icons are from. It almost feels Nazi-like, and in this video, we see that they have inverted the image for artistic purposes. At the time of the video, Gaga was heavily campaigning to repeal the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy. She's so passionate about her causes, it spills into her art. I find that to be endearing.

In the video, we see scenes of what is possibly a riot. This feels like a reference to the Stonewall riot that sparked the LGBT movement. (This feels fragmented, huh? ......oh well.)

Gaga is also proud of her gender, and she shares that with us, and hopes that everyone can feel it too. I don't get any sense of falseness from Gaga. She's genuine, and that's what I like about her. Sure, she's weird. Gun bra? Madonna reference! But she's fucking awesome, dammit. The gun bra was an obvious homage to boobies; boobs are meant to nurture life. The juxtaposition of the rifle barrels with a woman's breasts speaks of how women can still be the giver of life as well as the defender of life. ....yeah, this is pretty deep into things, I know that, but this is ART RANT, people. It's a rant. I go with the flow.

Unfortunately, there are lots of ignorant and hateful people out there. The gays have it particularly hard because they have the religious angle sicced onto them, like they used to sic dogs onto the blacks in the 50's. Terrible. You shouldn't be oppressed for any of those things. ALL WE NEED IS LOVE. Unfortunately, religious zealots insist on making everyone else's lives miserable.

Gaga wears her heart on her sleeve, and I aspire to do just that. I'll fight for love because at heart, I am a romantic. I will fight for everyone's right to love. I'll fight for my gay friends because no one should be denied love. Gaga fights for her gays. I fight for my gays. And we're proud to show it because we love you all.

Don't hate on the gays. They're people like you and me; they deserve to love whoever they want. Gender has nothing to do with love. Gender may have something to do with making babies, but that's as far as it goes.

Art Rant - Lady Gaga's 'Judas'

2011-06-24T00:22:00.007+12:00

So this might just become a regular thing; Art Rant. It's where I talk about any and all artistic material that I find to be quite interesting. I'll be dissecting, interpreting, juxtaposing, deconstructing themes and references, and pointing out a few things, hopefully bringing me one step closer to fulfilling my secret desires to step into Captain Obvious's spandex.

I have no plans on setting a schedule on how often I post, but I think at least once or twice a week is the bare minimum. I might post twice a day for a few days, and then it might just be one post per week; I'm temperamental, and something else might hold my interest, so blegh. You get what I give to you, bitch. (If my mum's reading this... well, Hi ma, sorry for the cussin'. Lol. ;( I know, I'm terrible. But either everything's ok, or nothing is.)

Anyway...

I thought I'd start the series with this first introductory post, along with a rant about Lady Gaga's music video Judas.

Now, from a religious angle, I just have to insert a disclaimer and declare that my religion is Islam. That is all the information that I'm obliged to provide. Who I am, what my beliefs are, you might gauge while reading this blog. And don't say I didn't warn you, but I'm not someone who bends over backwards. I have my opinion, and I am entitled to it. You might not like it, buddy.

As you might have noticed by now, I'm quite the Gaga fan. I am a little monster. And when I first heard of Gaga's single for her Born This Way album, I fell in love with Gaga all over again. Some people hated the direction of our beloved Mother Monster's artistic growth , but I think it's awesome. It revisits American icons such as the biker gang that I haven't seen much of in mainstream media lately. There's that TV series called Sons of Anarchy, but that's about it that I can recall. Hint: I don't watch TV very often.

Gaga looks beautiful in the video, and the music is catchy, and the video is artistic, stylish, modern, fashionable, symbolic and has the signature avant garde twist that is synonymous with Gaga. The outfits were cool, the accessories were blingy, and the choreography was fun to watch.

Gaga portrays the 'old boyfriend' metaphore in a religious themed video; the twelve apostles ride around modern-day Jerusalem in a biker gang, and Gaga plays Mary Magdalane, who happens to be (in the video) Biker Jesus's girlfriend. And from the line "I'm just a holy fool, oh baby, it's so cruel, but I'm still in love with Judas, baby!" I can only assume that Gaga Mary and Biker Judas were once a couple before Gaga Mary moved on to being Biker Jesus's girl. Gaga Mary might be Biker Jesus's girl, but she can't ignore the feelings she still has for Biker Judas. And in the video, we can see that Biker Judas (portrayed by Norman Reedus) is quite the troublemaker; he looks like a bad boy, he parties like a bad boy, always having chicks around him, starting brawls, as well as setting other exemplary behaviours as well. Biker Judas is the bad boyfriend who excites you but can be a real asshole, and he feels so good, but he's just that bad for you. And Biker Judas is a metaphor for just about any demon, really. And as they say, a bad boyfriend is a bad habit, and you need to get rid of bad habits.

But Gaga Mary is still in love with Biker Judas. Oh, the way Gaga Mary and Biker Judas look at each other; Biker Jesus must be really preoccupied with saving souls or something to have missed all the spark that goes on between the two. Like that scene where Biker Judas, Biker Jesus and Gaga Mary were in the tub. Gaga Mary is cleaning the biker boy's feet with water, her long hair used to wash Biker Jesus's feet, and Biker Judas is just chillaxin', a 6 pack of beer with one can already open in his arms, reeking bad boy vibes as he watches Gaga Mary. And later on in the video, we see clips of Gaga Mary looking at Biker Jesus longingly, only to arch back and react as Biker Judas pours beer on Gaga Mary's behind. The sensuality in all this is enough to fog my glasses. THAT is how bad ass Biker Judas is; the bad boy isn't afraid of making a chica feel good, even if the girl's boyfriend happens to be RIGHT THERE; that callous disregard for others is also what makes him a pretty bad boy. Poor Biker Jesus looked confused and somewhat horrified when he saw Biker Judas pour beer on Gaga Mary.

The scene where Gaga Mary smears lipstick onto Biker Judas's face was pretty deep; the looks exchanged between them shows how Gaga Mary struggles with her love for Biker Jesus (wanting to tell him of Biker Judas's backstabbing) but Gaga Mary can't, and falls to her knees crying. Oh, bad boyfriends, make you do the darnedest things; in Gaga Mary's case, her feelings for Biker Judas caused her to falter when Biker Jesus needed her the most. Now, your Biker Judas might not be a bad boyfriend; my Biker Judas is my depression issue. Biker Judas is a metaphor for whatever it is that is holding you back, causing you to fuck up your life and the lives of everyone else around you.

I understand how this video seemed offensive to people. I'm not saying they don't have the right to be pissed, but this video wasn't actually that bad. Gaga just portrays her demon in the form of Biker Judas, and we all know what Judas did. Biker Judas is the bad thing in life that's hard to tear away from, but you know you'll be better off without. BUT IT'S SO HARD, BECAUSE BIKER JUDAS IS SO AWESOME.

This doesn't sound like a coherent rant, and I have to say, these rants aren't meant to be so coherent. They're just rants. And I couldn't be bothered editing things out. :P I go with the flow.

Anyway, that's all from me. PEACE OUT.

Obedient Wives Club - another step back for Malaysian women

2011-06-22T03:35:00.004+12:00

The whole premise of the Obedient Wives Club is to provide women the knowledge with how to please their husbands in the bedroom because apperantly,some women really suck at it to the point where their husbands ran off in search of fresh meat. I wonder why.

See, the thing that pisses me off about this is that it automatically puts the woman in the spotlight as being the one whose fault it is when it comes to their husband's infidelity. Chances are, the wife was already obedient, but Mr Hotshot I'm THE KING OF THE WORLD couldn't resist the chance to stick his joystick up the next stray piece of ass that walks by.

Being a thinking kinda woman, I dare say that this just cannot be the case. Say what you want, but I'm pretty sure that sex is more than just sticking it in and getting kids. Society is ruled by seperation; men and women, feminine and masculine, and so on. What makes this so important is how you handle being a man or a woman when around other men and women.

There's a reason why women dress up and wear make up. Is it to attract attention? Sure, why not. We all like to be looked at and admired. Men do the same; they don't wear make up (not all, at least,) but the men's fashion industry isn't exactly a dying enterprise either. Every person wants to feel desireable and there's nothing wrong with it. We all want to feel like we're utterly irresistable to at least ONE person out there. But other times, we dress up to feel like we're worth something to ourselves. Yes; I dress up so I feel sexy, and it's not always for the guys, it's for me, myself, and I.

I might not be an expert on relationships, but here's my 2 cents.

People cheat because they feel like they need to find someone who makes them feel like they're empowered in their gender identity. A man seeks out a woman who can reaffirm his masculine ego, that he is the strongest, most virile stud in the pen. If his wife happens to be a formidable, proud and strong kinda woman, chances are, he's afraid of her, and being scared of a woman isn't exactly manly, now, is it? So what's a guy gonna do? He's ruled by his ego. Here's what he does, "screw that ice queen at home, I'm out hunting for tail. If she can't appreciate my awesome testosterone, someone else will."

Would it hurt to try and control your ego? Would it hurt if you tried to seek comfort in her? I mean, she is your wife, and I'm pretty sure that a wife is someone who does more than cleans up after you and has your kids. If you can't have that with her, chances are, you married someone you shouldn't have married. This is why arranged marriages and following your dick can lead to touble.

I'd write more about this, but I'm a bit pissed off. I might revisit this issue later, but only because it's just THAT stupid. Also, I;d like to talk about another blog that I found that made me LOL. It's a blog that villifies leggings (it's in Malay.) For a blog that is very anti-legging, they sure do have loads of photos of women's asses. And the terms used in describing the sensuality of women's legs in leggings just makes it seem like it's a bigger deal than it really is.

Personally, leggings aren't pants, but worn with the right baggy top or dress, they can be pretty fashionable. And if it's bulging, it ain't right, please put it away. Dress appropriately; not everyone can wear skinny jeans and get away with it. If it looks weird, get a second opinion. And all that jazz.

Conclusion: stop blaming women for men's infidelities. It's not as simple as getting her to please him sexually, it's emotional, mental, spiritual and everything else. If these needs aren't fulfilled, both men and women will seek comfort and reassurance elsewhere.

Peace out. You kids behave! FREEDOM FOR MALAYSIAN PEOPLE! oxox

Hair

2011-05-17T19:31:00.003+12:00

I've always fought hard against the hair scarf thing. I hated it. I despised it. I got caned on mufti day for refusing to wear it.

And I always mourn when my long hair gets cut off. Recently, I had it cut short; I'm saving the ponytail to donate to Pantene's Beautiful Lengths. I cried when I cut my hair off. I cried so hard because I was so upset. And yet I am giving my hair away in honour of my late aunt Johara.

Our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him!) said that the best gift you could possible give to anyone is something you treasure most. I my case, it's my hair. I've always loved giving, and there's nothing else that I could give away that I find to be more precious than my hair.

This drives home the significance of the bullying case where the girl had her hair chopped off by those mean fuckers. I love my hair, and if anyone ever did that to me, I'd be devastated.

And now Gaga released a song called 'Hair.' I love it. I'm glad that I'm not the only one who loves their hair.

Whenever I dress cool,
My parents put up a fight
And if I’m a hotshot,
Mom will cut hair at night
In the morning I’m sure of my identity
I scream Mom and Dad
Why can't I be who I wanna be?

I just wanna be myself,
And I want you to love me for who I am
I just wanna be myself,
And I want you to know, I am my Hair

[Chorus]

I’ve had enough
This is my prayer
That I’ll die living just as free as my hair

I’ve had enough
This is my prayer
That I’ll die living just as free as my hair

I’ve had enough
I’m not a freak
I must keep fighting to stay cool on the streets

I’ve had enough, enough, enough
And this is my prayer, I swear
I’m as free as my hair

[Lady Gaga - Verse 2]

Sometimes I want to rock on some highlights
Just because
I want my friend to think that I am dynamite
And on party, roxy, high school dance
I got my bangs too hard
That I don't stand a chance
A chance

I just wanna be myself,
And I want you to love me for who I am
I just wanna be myself,
And I want you to know, I am my Hair

[Chorus]

I’ve had enough
This is my prayer
That I’ll die living just as free as my hair

I’ve had enough
This is my prayer
That I’ll die living just as free as my hair

I’ve had enough
I’m not a freak
I must keep fighting to stay cool on the streets

I’ve had enough, enough, enough
And this is my prayer, I swear
I’m as free as my hair

[Bridge]

I just want to be free, I just want to be me
And I want lots of friends that invite me to their parties

I don't wanna change,
And I don't wanna be ashamed
I'm the spirit of my Hair
It's all the glory that I bare
I am my Hair!

I'm my hair, I am my hair
It's all the glory that I bare
I'm my hair-am my hair
I'm my hair-am my hair yeah!

[Chorus]

I’ve had enough
This is my prayer
That I’ll die living just as free as my hair

I’ve had enough
This is my prayer
That I’ll die living just as free as my hair

I’ve had enough
I’m not a freak
I must keep fighting to stay cool on the streets

I’ve had enough, enough, enough
And this is my prayer, I swear
I’m as free as my hair

Love it. I've always had an attachment to my hair, and to have my favourite artist write a song about it, it just makes me feel a little bit more secure.

BULLYING AGAIN - My response.

2011-05-12T02:19:00.003+12:00

I sent an email to the school regarding the incident hoping to get them to severely punish the bullies who bullied a girl by cutting her hair off. Here's the email.

To whomever it may concern,

I beseech those in charge of the school's disciplinary committee to take full action against the persons involved in the bullying case as seen in the video that has been circulating on youtube. The video which depicts a young girl being bullied, her hair being chopped off by a fellow student while others watch and laugh and cheer the bully on. The bullied student also gets hit and had whatever remained of her hair pulled. The student bullied was clearly distressed, and no one helped her.

I write to you as a Malaysian citizen who was also once a student in a school where I was bullied, and I request that the bullies be punished, their crimes be made public, and that the be made to serve a sentence of community service or some other punishment that will impress upon them the severity of their actions towards their fellow schoolmate. As someone who was once bullied, I can attest to the effects of being bullied and pushed around in schoo. I am now 23 years old; I left school 7 years ago, but the effects of bullying that I experience during my school years have left ever lasting scars upon my soul. Though my experience was not as sever as the girl in the video, I am still dealing with the effects of my school day traumas.

What happened to this girl is heinous. She was humiliated. To have one's hair chopped off forcefully as a young lady is very traumatising; a woman's hair is her pride and joy, and to have it chopped off by a bully, to have it videotaped and to have people laugh at you as this happens is a crime of unspeakable meanness. This young girl will have lasting scars throughout her life because of this, and the bullies CANNOT be allowed to walk away without being HARSHLY punished.

To further impress upon you the severity of the act of cutting a woman's hair against her will, I shall quote to you from an article regarding this practice and what their intended effects are.

The punishment of shaving a woman's head had biblical origins. In Europe, the practice dated back to the dark ages, with the Visigoths. During the middle ages, this mark of shame, denuding a woman of what was supposed to be her most seductive feature, was commonly a punishment for adultery. Shaving women's heads as a mark of retribution and humiliation was reintroduced in the 20th century. After French troops occupied the Rhineland in 1923, German women who had relations with them later suffered the same fate. And during the second world war, the Nazi state issued orders that German women accused of sleeping with non-Aryans or foreign prisoners employed on farms should also be publicly punished in this way.

Also during the Spanish civil war, Falangists had shaved the heads of women from republican families, treating them as if they were prostitutes. Those on the extreme right had convinced themselves that the left believed in free love. (The most famous victim in fiction is Maria, the lover of Robert Jordan in Hemingway's For Whom the Bell Tolls.)"

Futhermore, there were other around watching, encouraging the bully, laughing and taunting the girl, throwing things like paper into her face; bad enough that the poor girl's hair was chopped off, she was hit and this spectacle was WITNESSED by other classmates who cheered at the spectacle. The act of cutting her hair in itself is traumatising; but to have a cheering audience to this act is to intensify the humiliation that was inflicted upon her.

After the humiliation of a public head-shaving, the tondues - the shorn women - were often paraded through the streets on the back of a lorry, occasionally to the sound of a drum as if it were a tumbril and France was reliving the revolution of 1789.

Source: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/jun/05/women-victims-d-day-landings-second-world-war

As you can see, the act of cutting a person's hair forcefully was meant to humiliate and to leave permanent emotional damage onto someone, and to have other witness this is to further worsen the humiliation.

I therefore beg that the school take the significance of the act inflicted upon this poor girl when meting punishment onto the perpetrators of this crime.

Yours truly

Dygku Syarizat binti A.K.

Former student of St Columba & SMK Baru

Miri, Sarawak.

...I was pissed off, did not proof read, so yes,it sounds like a bitchy email with lots of copy pasta, but dammit, I've had my hair NEARLY cut off by bullies in school, and it still hurts me today just thinking about it, so I'm pouring my heart out and begging that the school do more than just suspending the idiots.

Further research states that the bullies were suspended for 14 days and will be receiving counselling. THEY'RE THE LAST PEOPLE IN THAT VIDEO WHO NEEDS COUNSELLING.

EXTRA: According to this blog, the bullies were suspended for 14 days because the victim was not physically harm.

Ex-fucking-cuse me, but I'd rather be punched in the fucking face than to be humiliated like that. Physical harm should not be a determining factor in meting out punishment; PSYCHOLOGICAL harm is far worse. You can be physically fine, but mentally, if you're fucked, you're fucked for LIFE, and it won't heal like a bruise or a scratch.

If you wish to write to the school, here are the contact information:

http://www.smkra.edu.my/index.php?option=com_contact&view=category&catid=12&Itemid=3

Scared of tha Internetz

2009-03-29T16:18:00.003+13:00

Suddenly, I'm paranoid about posting sensitive issues (which previously I had no problems with.)

It's what reading about what happened to RPK that got me, I think. He had awesome views, now the government is sending him to jail, trying him for sedition....

I wish for Malaysia to be free.

You can get us to behave but out hearts will always feel the hate. (See Foucault, the docile body)

I fucking hate abbreviations

2009-03-24T01:35:00.004+13:00

I hate abbreviations. People who use abbreviations too much should be classified as absolute idiots. I especially hate it when people chat with me on Yahoo messenger and INSIST on abbreviating everything, and even resorting to TXTSPEAK. For example, Asstd Fruits, Pls Q-Up, Thx, msg me, wat u up 2, l8r, wat 4, and so on.

Unless you're sending me a text and you don't want to have to type everything in full, when chatting online using a messenger, WHY oh WHY must everything be shortened to the point of it being undecipherable?!!! Are people so damn lazy to type out the full words?

I don't understand people who write posted notes with abbreviations either. Every time I see an abbreviated note (especially at the supermarkets back home... people back home are notorious abbreviate-offenders) it irks me to no end.

If I see someone WRITING an abbreviated note that is posted in public, I look down at these people with absolute derision. I have no respect for people who are intentionally LAZY to the point where words have to be spelt with less than 5 letters.

It's no excuse of being afraid of getting it spelt wrong, especially when you're on the Internet. GOOGLE the word, or look it up on dictionary.com for the meaning and correct spelling.

Writing lyk ths is ttly NOT COOL. It makes you look like an absolute moron. GET EDUCATED.

Saving the planet one bag at a time

2009-03-02T13:54:00.003+13:00

I know I haven't posted in AGES, but semester 1 started and I have to read Pride and Prejudice, so bear with me.

I wished that people made more foldable bags. We all know about the reusable shopping bags made of jute and cloth, but honestly, if it's too bulky, people won't want to bring it around. If it's small and foldable and also strong (we can fly to space and make super tall buildings now so don't tell me that a lightweight strong bag is impossible.)

Back home in Miri, people are trying to get people to reduce the use of plastic bags, but they aren't really enforcing it. The bags they sold at Boulevard are so hideous and you have to seal it in a security bag when you enter the supermarket; it's discouraging, and people couldn't be fucked with it.

If we had foldable shopping bags, we can store it in our handbags and pockets, and not be bothered with them until we need them.

But they're hard to find so I'm grabbing all the foldable bags I can find. ...Someone please make more reusable foldable bags!

Discimination at UiTM

2009-01-19T05:48:00.004+13:00

I read a post in the Borneo Post today that really pissed me off. The 'big man' at UiTM is implementing a 'policy' (I use this term loosely as I am not sure if it is official or not) where effeminate male students aren't allowed to join dance groups for they think it may 'exascerbate' their effemininity. In fact, they plan on targeting the groups of students who are effeminate and separating them so that they can mingle with other students in hopes that they will be more 'manly'; they are also encouraged to take up more 'manly' corricular activities.

If you ask me, it's wrong on so many levels. This counts as DISCRIMINATION.

I'm so pissed off right now about it, I feel that I can really write things without cursing my ass off (and one of my new years resolution is to write posts in my blog where I present an argument without the heavy use of 'fuck' and so on. It still goes when speaking, though.)

I digress again.

Being a feminine man shouldn't be a crime, nor should it be held against them.

...OK, screw manners, I'm seething with hate right now.

My point is this; when was the last time that you heard of a feminine man robbing people's houses, snatching handbags, killing people, and so on? What threat do these people pose to you and your 'strict ideals'?

Do you really think that these people deliberately choose to be different? Do you think these people enjoy being picked on by 'macho men'? Do you think they want to be treated like they're bad people?

You cannot change who they are. God made them that way, and if they feel like that is who they are and they choose to embrace it, I'm sure that God would understand; if not, then he is not God. (Seriously, why did God make us all different if he wanted us to be the same?)

Leave these people the fuck alone. Shouldn't you be focusing on something that is an actual and proven threat to people, like SMOKING for example? But no, you choose to make people who are different miserable by creating an unfriendly environment.

Forcing them into changing and creating a hostile environment for effeminate males will only cause them pain and will make their lives very difficult. They will feel bullied, they will experience emotional distress. And it's all thanks to you. Shame on you and those who supported this.

I can only assume that tomboys will be targeted next.

The Great Destroyer

2009-01-03T01:57:00.004+13:00

Say your name

Try to speak as clearly as you can

You know everything gets written down

Nod your head

Just in case they could be watching

With their shiny satellite

I hope they cannot see

The limitless potential

Living inside of me

To murder everything

I hope they cannot see

I am the great destroyer

Turn it up

Listen to the shit they pump into your head

Filling you with apathy

Hold your breath

Wait until you know the time is right on time

The end is near

I hope they cannot see

The limitless potential

Living inside of me

To murder everything

I hope they cannot see

I am the great destroyer

(Nine Inch Nails - The Great Destroyer)

Know this; my voice may be temporarily silenced, but my heart and soul will forever be aflame. Don't ever forget me, for I will one day be The Great Destroyer. - Mad Izatie

Garden-mania

2008-11-14T19:48:00.002+13:00

Sorry for the long lull, I've been busy with exams. And also I've been busy planting stuff in my backyard. Lettuce, spinach.... because it's expensive.

Just a quick rant, if I don't digress any further.

Anwar is INNOCENT, RPK is my hero, and anyone who thinks that they are demons, spawns of the devil and etc. are narrow-minded fuckwits.

To Solymone, whatsup!!!! Been very busy lately, but hopefully I get to blog more later on. Tanam sayur belakang rumah, sebab harga makin mahal. Alang-alang tanam sendiri, lagi sedap. :D

:P

2008-09-13T19:31:00.002+12:00

sorry about the sub-par quality of the previous post. i just came back from an envelope stuffing at my boyfriend's dad's work. we stuffed 900++ envelopes.

there was another 200++ to do, but then they ran out of paper. :P

Chauvinists get the fuck out

2008-08-01T16:07:00.005+12:00

Chauvinists complain that women are nothing but money grabbing whores who sell sex for cash and cars. They say women are inferior because they get emotionally sensitive all the time. That they get cranky every time it's 'that time of the month'.

You try not being emotional when you're pumping high doses of oestrogen and progesterone at different doses and different intervals. You try having a penis inside you thumping your liver when you have a headache. You try having your penis squeeze and cramp up as you shed your endometrium every month.

We have tolerated the violence and havoc men have caused; all because they try to soothe their egos and not appear weak to others. The world is a shit hole. And to any men who say that women are worthless and are beneath men, I suggest you don't come near women then and stick your penises into a man's ass. I mean, you don't want to get caught fucking something inferior would you?

Women are not objects

2008-07-31T22:09:00.002+12:00

People think that being a virgin is what makes a woman pure. In my opinion, it's a dumb ass excuse because it implies that to be something of worth/value, a woman must remained untouched; to have been 'tainted' by a man's touch implies that she is used/spoiled/second-hand goods.

To those of you with this kind of opinion, shame on you, especially if you are women. Women are not objects. We are people.

You don't get the same kind of bullshit when it comes to men - why? Because they are the ones who are seen as the ones who 'mark' women. Some men make it their quest to 'collect' women's virginity - because to have conquered something untouched is to claim it. For a woman, sex is an intimate experience where you take a part of someone into yourself - literally, mentally, emotionlly, spiritually and so on. Think of it as sticking a flag on a mountain where you are the first one there. Man marks his territory, marking his

But the attitude towards women and their values/virginity to me is just a way for men to control the other half of the population - they make us think that we are objects, even if you think every now and then that you're not. To agree upon this is to acknowledge yourself as a thing, not a human being.

Short stories

2008-06-26T21:24:00.001+12:00

I am going to enter the short story course next semester. I can't freaking wait!

I looove writing.

Not much to say now. Just that it's exciting as hell and I CAN'T WAIT to write.

School uniforms to blame for rape

2008-06-11T00:33:00.004+12:00

Get the fuck out of here. Seriously? Must the women be blamed for the perverted acts men commit because of the lack of self control? This pisses me the fuck off. Women from all walks of life have been victims of sexual assaults; grandmothers to infants, regardless of race, religion or age. And I doubt if it has anything to do with how they dress, either.

Women get raped by men. It's a globally occuring problem. And because there are women of different countries and races, I see one common thread here. The penis. Yes, blame the penis, don't blame the women. We need to stop blaming women for the crimes that are commited against them.

This is why sex education is important. We need to educate people about sex; every fucking aspect of it. From the little details like protection and urges to the crimes commited instead of just blidly assigning the blame upon women. If you apply the same logic used in this senseless blame, let's use it against men as well, why don't you. Chop off the penis. Problem solved.

Sex is a natural thing. We need to stop hiding from the inevitable discussions about sex and what goes on during sex.

ANd quit blaming us women for what men do. Men who rape are weak and are not real men - they abuse their power and behave like animals. Even animals don't rape, for fuck's sake.

True love; myth or fact

2008-06-04T00:43:00.002+12:00

We've been trained since we were little to think that one day, when we grow up, we will fall in love with a special person, and that love will be true love; bird will sing, the sun will shine, you will be happy forever beside that special someone. Bull fucking shit.

True love is a myth. We all know the bad relationships. And then we go 'Oh, maybe s/he wasn't for me. I'll wait for prince charming who can support me emotionally, financialy...'

The thing is, people are intolerant. Sure, we may find someone who loves us, who cares about us. But sometimes we get abit mad at each other because they are messy, or they do things whic we find annoying, and stuff you know will make you grind your teeth. No one is perfect.

The thing is, we all need someone in our lives. Not because of 'true love', but because we need a witness in our lives. In order for our lives to mean something, we need a witness; someone to enjoy the good times with, someone to hold our hand when we're sad. But every now and then, we have bad moods and we'll feel homocidal towards every single person in our line of vision. Even if it's the person you love. And that's ok. it's ok to feel angry at people. But it's not ok to act based on feelings. We have to learn self control because that's what separates us from the animals. Self control.

The one you find may not be all you ever dreamed of, like in those Disney films (those films are fucking evil I tell you.) But if you find someone who makes you smile and picks your day up when they're around, even if they have flaws, hold them close. (but if they abuse you, run run run!) He ain't no prince charming, but he's my witness.

Don't expect too much out of someone. And to Fish Sticks, I think you deserve to have your dick chopped off. Let fucking go already, you look like a complete idiot.

And Woman! Wedding bells, jingle bells, white doves and diamond rings! I better get a VIP invite and I better get a huge slice of CAKE!

Sex Education in schools

2008-05-05T12:47:00.002+12:00

I remember when I was in high school they gave us sex education. But the syllabus presented fucking sucked. They separed us into groups of guys and girls, which was fine by me. I'd feel uncomfortable if the boys were looking at us girls and laughing and whispering about stuff while the teacher is waving around photos of infected penises and vaginas that had gonorrhea and chalmydia.

But that was all I remember. They showed us photos of infected penises and vaginas (what? VAGIIIINAAAAAS. PEEEEENISSSSSS. It's not a taboo word, get your mind out of the gutter for a second will you?) and mumble something about condoms and that was it. They EXPECT us to know that condoms are. I mean, yeah, most of us would know, but a few some wouldn't know what a condom was it it were made into a dress and were on the news all the time.

I think the quality of sex education needs alot of improvement. They need to include more of 'how to protect yourselves from pregnancy and STDs; condoms, morning after pill' insead of taking the 'here's a photo of chamydia; don't have sex until you get married' approach. It doesn't fucking work. The average age for people having sex in Malaysia (according to the 2005 Durex sex survey) is 19. And the average age of people getting sex ed in Malaysia is 14.9, which sounds ok but the material presented; my GOD, the information they presented, just sucked!

If the teachers feel like they can't do it, maybe it's better to invite someone like a doctor, or a nurse to help give the presentation. Wouldn't medical profesionals know more about it? And get someone who is experienced, and not a wide eyed intern nurse or intern doctor. Those people can't do shit (I was bleeding to death and at the ER in Selesa, the intern doctor that attendet to my case CALLED ANOTHER DOCTOR for advise. SERIOUSLY?!!! I'm BLEEDING HERE, HELLO!) and probably wouldn't know much.

The excuse of 'we're an Islamic country, and sex or the talk of sex is tabboo and people should abstain until they get married' is fucking bullshit, ok. There are people of different religeon and races in Malaysia, and it is irresponsible to not equip them with the knowledge they need to stay safe. And we learn about 'sex' from the media. Sure, they have kissing scenes, and they try to censor it out, but we still learn about it from books, magazines, the internet, nameley from websites like redtube, porntube, and so on. (Don't lie to me and say you've never watched porn, because I know it's bullshit. Even goodie-two-shoes like Fish Styx was caught wanking off to lesbian porn. And he was supposed to be the religious one.)

Some may say, 'buying a condom is embarassing - the checkout girl at Giant looks at me weird like she's judging me'. You know what? That's a fucking stupid mentality. Buying condoms may be embarassing, but think of the embarassment when you find out that you have an STD, or -yikes!- you find out that you're pregnant and have to get married early (no offence to whoever had to go thru this, but really, you should have used condom.). So tell me this, whihc is more embarassing; buying condoms or getting (someone else) pregnant at the tender age of 17.

Let me know what you think!

Polygamy - why I'm against it;women's right and more

2008-03-24T01:51:00.004+13:00

OK, so some who think that I'm being an idiot for saying that I am against polygamy because I'm a Muslim, I just have this to say to you; up yours. It's my opinion, and nothing you say can change that.

What kind of opinionated blogger would I be if I didn't define the word first, right? OK, here goes. Polygamy, as defined by Wikipedia, is a Greek word and it means 'a form of marriage in which a person has more than one spouse'.

In Islam, men are allowed to have up to 4 wives, so long as he treats them equally. However, a woman is only allowed 1 husband. Unless the women are OK with the marriage arrangement, it's fine with me. It's your life. However, if the man marries another woman without his first wife's opinion or knowledge, I consider that a form of cheating.

Men don't like sharing their women with other men, and women feel the same way; if another woman came chasing after my boyfriend, I'd rip her hair off her head and scald her face with acid. So if man who marries another woman without telling their wife (or wives; there have been cases, you know) are essentially CHEATERS.

I seriously think polygamy shouldn't be allowed. It's unfair to the women. Some might argue that it's better for the women because then they have someone who can provide for them; you make it sound like women are constantly dependant and constantly need someone who can tell them what is right,what they should do, where not to go and so on. We're living in the 21st century now, and women are capable of finding jobs too. Women can do most jobs that men do; some women do it better, even. (if you're gonna start the 'women are physically inferior than men' argument, don't fucking bother. Most physically demanding jobs nowadays don't pay much anyway.)

My point is that women should be considered equal to men when it comes to marriage (and in everything else, if you ask me). I'm trying not to go into the 'I hate men' theme here, trust me. But some people think that women should be submissive to their husbands and so on; that their husbands have the right to beat their wives up should they make mistakes. And that pisses me the hell off. You know what, if husbands are allowed to hit their wives if they screw up, women should be able to kill their husbands if they marry someone else without telling them.

Men who use their power to control women and making them feel inferior are cowards; are you afraid that she'll become more than you? That she'll eventually become smarter than you, or that she'll start earning more than you? If she does, why should you feel emasculated? You still have your man-parts, don't you?

On another note, I think that people who tell their daughters that education is unimportant, and that they should just marry some rich guy are idiots; do you know how hard us women have to fight to be seen? To be allowed to enter university? Did you know that in the old days, women were not allowed into universities? Education is VERY important, I tell you. It's empowering; it uplifts us, and it makes us independent of others. If she does marry someone rich, and after she has been used and abused, and her husband decides to ditch her for someone younger, what do you think would happen to her? If she had an education, she could get a job and look after herself; she can become her own person.

I can't think of what more to write now; it's too late at night for my brain to properly function.

Oh, and ladies, if your man is a user, an abuser, or if he cheats on you, dump him before he dumps you. Don't make him let you feel used because if he does, he wins.

China

2008-01-26T06:04:00.000+13:00

As they say, unless you haven't been to the Great Wall of China, you haven't really been to China. Since the Great Wall is the first thing people think of when the word CHINA comes to mind, let's just cut straight to it. And I was gonna write more but suddenly I'm in no mood.

This is the group photo before climbing the wall. :D

Striking a pose as we descended the Great Wall.

The family at Tian An Men Square, in front of the Chinese Parliament.

Engrish

2008-01-07T00:32:00.000+13:00

As you know, I'm on vacation. And I've been lazy - so it's going to be a while before I update my China story. But I'm going to post a few things which I managed to capture with my camphone. ENGRISH!!

'Iron Scorp' : I think there's something missing from this label.

'Welcome to Emily's Web': If this were on a website, I wouldn't take much notice. But someone needs to knock the webs off of Emily's undies.

'The Worth is Rock': This doesn't make any sense!

...this is just plain disastrous.

'Food Pown': I powned the damn fried eggs!

'Moving Staircase': Try and catch it.

'Ilinoi' : Since when was Illinois in China?!

'Spicial Muselim': What's so special in this toilet? I don't get it.

'Wahaha drinking water': This water tastes funny.

'Bamboo Fun': Emily needs some bamboo!

'Pjuice': EW~! GROSS!

More when I feel like updating.

Trip to China

2007-12-07T21:56:00.000+13:00

Hey, it's been a while since I took this baby for a spin. I've been in China with my family on a tour. It was nice, except for the end of it. My dad and bro got salmonella.

But the tour itself was great. It was fantastic! I went to see the Terracotta Soldiers in Xi'an, I climbed the Great Wall of China, I went to the Summer Palace, ate really cheap and bland halal Chinese food, saw really icky toilets, took a walk in Tian An Men Square and the Forbidden City and I even went bananas with bargains. Awesome.

The Kl - Beijing flight was delayed due to some technical difficulties (whatever the hell that means...) so we spent 4 hours wandering around KLIA. Eventually we landed in the prayer room (which smelled yuckie because of poor ventilation) but we couldn't sleep cause some dude on the other side was snoring really loud.

So after mucking around, we finally enter the boarding area. And we waited an additional 30 minutes before boarding the plane. By now, it's around 5am and everyone is tired and cranky. We slept all the way until it was meal time, and after 5 and a half hours, we finally arrived in Beijing. Then we had to take another flight to Xi'an. Which took another 2 hours.

In Xi'an, we didn't have time to go to the hotel. We went straight on tour. First destination was to the oldest mosque in Xi'an. I think. It was already dark (it was winter, mind you) and cold.

There's me at the mosque entrance.

In front of the mosque with my bro.

After that the tour group separated. I and a few others chose to return to the hotel immediately. My mum and dad went to see a Chinese opera.

There's a lot more where this came from. I just couldn't be bothered uploading em all.

The next day we went to visit the Terracotta Factory - this is where they make replicas of the Terracotta Soldiers and other things such as furniture and other statues. It taks a while to make them, apparently. Ya hafta mold em, fire em, let em cool, blah...

Spot the odd one out. :P (My dad and some replicas at the factory.)

After buying some overpriced souvenirs at the factory, we went to the Terracotta Soldiers museum. Along the way we saw people selling pomegranates. Mmm...

Me and my family at Pit no. 1 of the Terracotta Museum

Most of the buildings there were under renovation - they're getting ready for the Olympic Games. So we only got to see Pit no. 1. Kinda sucks but that alone was quite impressive.

After that, we walked back to our bus, and along the way I bought some miniature Terracottas for Dale's mum. I got them for 20yuans. I thought that was cheap, since I bargained for it from 50yuan. Up ahead, people were selling them for 10 yuan to US$1. I'm like...ah dammit. Oh well. Good enough. Not like I lost a fortune. XD

I have to stop here. I have crap to do. Huh...so tired. More updates soon! Watch this space!

Papi! I love Papi!

2007-11-12T22:16:00.000+13:00

I love my Paprika SO much! I'd never give him away! Up yours, Ting! You fucking retard!

Anyways, Papi caught a bird for me the other that. Just when I thought he'd be stuck with hunting moths, he caught a bird!

Ok, I know it's not particularly a good thing, the fact that he's hunting birds. But I am a mama cat, and when my baby cat has grown up into a hunter cat, I kinda feel proud. :D I even took photos of him and his catch. And I lavished him with alot of praise and treats afterwards.

We got rid of the bird later on. I don't want Papi eating it. Not good to train him to feed on raw flesh and blood. Also, it may have worms. Ew.

Sick - and it's exam time. Ain't life a bitch.

2007-11-07T07:01:00.000+13:00

I am sick with the fucking cold. And I am fully to blame because I kinda brought this upon myself. ...getting VERY CLOSE to a person with the cold will often result in having contracted the damn thing yourself.

Anyways, I am being asked to leave my flat after they refurbish the damned place next year because they don't want me to keep my cat. And despite my dad's reassurance that he will support the expenses for moving and stuff, and my boyfriend offering to help look for a new flat which allows pets for me, I am still stressing out. I worry alot, I think I inherit that emotional problem from my mum.

If anyone has a place in the Upper Riccarton, Riccarton or Ilam area which allows cats (no dogs please) please let me know. My budget is $400 to $500 per month for rent and other expenses. I buy my own food.

My idea of being moody and brooding is being alone in my room, with the door slightly opened for the cat, with a sheet draped over the opening, me listening to Bear McCreary's version of 'All Along the Watchtower' over and over again. Which is what I've been doing all night long.

Ok, maybe something to write about. I noticed alot of snivelling and sneezing going on while I was sitting for my ENGL109 exam (sleep deprived and sick - I get points just for showing up, dammit!). Lotsa sick people out there at this time of the month.

Here's what I do to try and ward of the symptoms. I eat alot of chopped garlic. Chop 'em real fine, and pop em in your mouth, and drink it down with water or juice. Eating too much of it will make you smell like garlic (as Dale would testify...), and will possibly make your stomach churn.

Also, I drink lots of pineapple juice. I went through around 4 litres of juice in the past few days. Try not to drink cheap juice. Especially those with added sugar. Sugar kinda slows down your immune system.

If you have a temperature (and chances are that you will have a temp.,) sleep with a few layers of blankets on, and with thick pyjamas or a few layers of t-shirts. Just leave your head uncovered. I'm not sure if being fully covered is a good idea - you might get a heat stroke or God forbid, you'd suffocate to death. -shivers-

Avoid anything too sugary or too oily. I ate nothing but rice porridge (1 cup rice, 4 cups water cooked on low heat...monitor it often, and add water if necessary) with chopped cabbage, fried salted anchovies (drained of oil) and kikkoman soy sauce. Bubur nasi oi!

Snotty noses are a problem too. So if you're gonna sit for hour long exams, make sure you bring in lots of tissue. Some people might look at you funny, but at least you won't have to wipe the snot on your shirt. (I brought in alot of tissue for the exam...and ended up using all of it.)

If you wake up feeling stuffy, chances are there's alot of the green icky snot blocking your nose up. Hm...tough one. I cleaned my nose by spraying my nose with the Vicks First Defence thingy. Sure, it's to fight the cold at the first signs, but it also helps make alot of the clear mucus, and that allows you to blow your nose. It's gonna really REALLY gross. I woke up all stuffy, sprayed my nose and EW! Yuck. I can't believe that was IN MY NASAL CAVITY! If all else fails, try a nasal lavage. (look it up!)

I'm feeling much better now. Not so bad. Hopefully I recover just in time to study for my HSRV103 and ENGL132 exams.

Oh, fuckit!

2007-10-23T00:06:00.000+13:00

Smoked salmon. We all love smoked salmon. Smoked salmon on toast with cream cheese. Smoked salmon on pasta with cheese sauce. Smoked salmon dip.

My first packet of smoked salmon in over a month and it falls onto the floor. All of it. Ouch. I actually cried. (It's smoked salmon, God dammit!)

So I fed it to the cat. But he didn't want it. I was half tempted to yell at him "don't you know how lucky you are to have been offered 100gm of SMOKED SALMON!?" But the cat did eat a little bit.

Bad luck huh. (wailing in agony).

But I took a walk to Countdown and got me some more and had a smoked salmon sammich. (Yes, I'm aware that it's not supposed to be spelled that way...)

I wouldn't be all pissy if it were just tuna or anything. It's smoked salmon!!!!!

Stupid BITCH(es)!

2007-10-11T00:40:00.000+13:00

I was at the supermarket earlier this evening, buying some stuff...they were all on sale. $2 for lettuce! and Less than $2 for basil herbs! (I'm a sucker for bargains.)

So I was at the checkout, and there was this heavily tattooed guy in front of me, and he was waiting in line. I put my basket on the conveyor belt, and I waited in line, minding my own business. Then the bitch who was working that till kept moving the conveyor belt to get my basket to the front. I'm not sure if she liked playing with the thing, or if she was just plain stupid. She kept moving my basket along the conveyor and it hit the guy in front of me in the arm. He was pissed, he grabbed my basket and like ROUGHLY dropped it at the end of the belt. I'm like, YOU ASSHOLES!

That fat bitch at the counter looked around dumbly like nothing happened. Does she not have any common sense? Seriously, I just wanna slap her stupid with the basket. And that guy who rudely moved my basket. FUCK YOU!

And my flatmate still doesn't answer the phone. Even when she's in the living room or in the kitchen. ANSWER THE PHONE YOU DUMB FUCK! THE PHONE IS RINGING!

There are just too many stupid, rude and ignorant people on this planet. I say bust a cap in their asses! Fucking R-TARDS!

Essays and my kitties

2007-10-10T00:58:00.000+13:00

I've been reading a lot for my essays lately, and most times I hit the books after I wake up. When Papi's in the room with me, he'll want to be fed. So I feed him first, and I always leave the door ajar for him, in case he wants to sit on the bed.

My desk is hella-cramped with books and a whole buncha shit. So a few days ago, I decided to study on my bed, facing the windows. A good dose of (indirect) sunlight was what I need; I had slept in till a little after noon, and I needed some sun.

I was about halfway through a passage, when this little skipper came along...

Papi wants attention. He's a little attention fiend, my little fluff-ball. He even has that "pat me! love me! pay attention to me!!" look on his face. So i brushed him with his brush, gave him treats, and after making sure that all his needs were tended to, I went back to reading my book.

I love cats. I've always had a soft spot for them. When I was home in Miri last year, a mother cat abandoned her 5 kittens the day after she gave birth to them. Maybe she got hit, maybe she died somewhere else. We never saw the mother cat again. So in a box next to our front door, there were these adorable kittens. Defenseless, motherless, and hungry. They needed someone to take care of them.

So, my mother and I drove to the vet and we bought a bottle and some cat milk. I remember feeding them. It was a tough job. Ty were scared, and they were hungry. We ended up using a syringe (without the needle...) to drip milk into their mouths. Eventually they got used to it, and we moved on to feeding them with the bottle.

Then came the time when the family and I had to go on a road trip to Kuching to visit some of our relatives. We left the kittens at the vet; by this time, they were 10 days old. Their eyes were starting to open. I remembered that they were clawing their way towards me as I left them at the vet, eyes half opened. That was the last time I saw them.

They died cause the vet didn't know how to feed them. I found out about their deaths when we called ask about them. I regretted not calling to check up on them daily. I remember crying my eyes out when I heard about it. I cried for hours on end, and by the end of the day, my eyes were red, swollen and were aching. I still keep one of the rags i used to wrap them up in when feeding them. The smell of milk has faded from it, but I'll always remember them. Pipo, Soot, Ninja, Fluffy and Chilli. My poor kittens.

I cry every time I think about them. It sounds stupid, yeah. But I loved them. I still love them. I had hoped for them; I hoped that they'd feel the grass, and run around the backyard. I cried when I reached home, and I hugged the shoebox in which they were kept. My parents understood, and they didn't say anything. I miss them still. I miss everything about them.

Left to right: Pipo, Fluffy, Soot, Chilli. Missing from photo: Ninja (I was feeding her...for the last time.)

Even if it was only 10 days, I will always remember them. They say being a mother changes you. Sure, some of you would say that I'm a bit too emotional, that I'm a crybaby. But I felt like their mother. I stayed up late for them, I fed them and I cleaned them up. I miss them. Every time I think of them, I try hard not to cry (I'm failing miserably at it right now...).

I love you, little kittens. I can't ever forget about you. It's been nearly a year now but I still remember.

I know this sounds like the ramblings of a 10 year old. I intended to make this a cheerful post but it turned into another trip down memory lane with my kittens...

Don't be mean, please. I'm just a softy when it comes to kittens.

English - Budak Melayu mengamuk about languages

2007-10-02T19:18:00.000+13:00

I love writing. I've been scribbling since I can remember, and I love it. There was once a time when I wrote a whole lot of poems and they all made sense. But somehow, nowadays, I just can't write poems as good as I did back then. I wonder why.

I love to write because it's the best way I get to express myself. I don't know how to draw, nor do I know how to play the piano. I can't dance, and I can't sing. The only things I'm good at (not THAT good, just good ENOUGH to scrape by...) are cooking and perhaps writing.

But I fucking hate writing essays which I have no idea what it's supposed to be or what I should write about. Like when you don't understand the question, or when the question is so vague and the materials given is a bunch of doodle written by some crack-head who got a spot in the limelight because he had famous groupies.

Like that poet who wrote about perfume and grass and crotch and about how he was naked at the river and shit. REALLY now. How the hell do you include that kind of shit into your academic essay?!

I love English. Hell, I even got an 'A' in English when I was at school and a 'C' on my native language papers, Bahasa Malaysia. ...my BMalaysia teacher even bitched about how I'm supposed to excel at BMalaysia instead, but hell, not my fault if your English is so damn crappy, you bray more than you speak when you try and speak the fucking language.

Blame the government. They should have enforced English Education in schools a LONG time ago. Now, most our graduates can't even speak proper English. Hell, when they go for interviews, it's embarrassing to hear them speak. Can't put a sentence together. Most of what they say should end up at Engrish.com, if you ask me.

And another thing. People who try so damn hard to pun on accents. Bloody hell, it hurts my ears to hear them speak. Like this guy Aznil Nawawi.

I know you try to sound all fancy and smart, but really, you sound very annoying. Try, but don't try too hard. Take it slow. Cause trying too hard to sound like you speak the language fluently doesn't make you sound smart.

Also, this is why the government should lax the censorship laws back home. So that people can have access to other materials and learn to think for themselves.

Also, today is my ma's birthday (won't say how old...she's touchy-feely about her age...)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MA! Loving you and missing you - IZAT-

Waiting for Greys... and more on Penises

2007-09-28T16:21:00.000+12:00

I'm a Grey's Anatomy Fan. It all happened by chance. I saw the promotion ad on TV for season 2. It's where Addison first shows up to Seattle Grace and introduces herself to Meredith as Derek's wife. I was intrigued, and from then on I was hooked. I downloaded the episodes and I have a stack of CDs (I don't have a DVD writer. Even if I did, I'm what we call 'buta teknologi'.) from season 1 to season 3. I have them all. All three seasons. (...I'm kinda trying to make you jealous. Lemme know if it worked.)

Anyways, season 4 should have premiered now in the US. I'm downloading the first episode of the 4th season. And I can't wait I'm so bloody excited.I haven't been this excited since...oh I can't even remember.

I've diversified my downloading programmes, thanks to my ever-helpful boyfriend (who uses my laptop more than I do when he's around).

But the downloading is slow. Must be because it's new.

Ok, today some dude showed me his penis via web cam. That's the second stray penis that I've seen. The first one was when I was walking home from lectures, and I saw a dude in a red car, and he just happened to have his window rolled down and he was jacking off. (My eyes have been soiled... one too many times.)

Suddenly, I'm seeing red cars everywhere. -Shiver-

Men and their penises. The Phallus - a symbol of manhood. Anything phallic is a symbol of manhood. Doesn't have to be a penis, I suppose.

Wait till you get a Candiru (penis fish) stuck up your dick. How would you like that huh?

I'm too dazed to write more. Blame it on the penis. (Seriously tho. Keep it in your pants!)

untitled poem

2007-09-26T18:18:00.000+12:00

untitled
just STOP pretending like i OWE YOU everything
[just STOP] picking on me, STOP HURTING ME
STOP bringing me down to hide your insecurities
STOP telling me i'm not good enough for you
[STOP] telling me what I SHOULD OR [SHOULD NOT DO]
everytime you do i just HOLD MY BREATH
wait till it all goes away...
[wish i could push you down, make it all go away...]
NOW THAT YOU'RE GONE i feel calm again
i feel like i'm at peace again
i don't have to deal with your messed up LIES
now i can close my eyes - everything feels calm again...
[this is the CALM AFTER THE STORM]
(Written in Philosophy tutorial, bored shitless.)

Fucking painful toothache

2007-09-25T22:39:00.001+12:00

For the past few days, I have been living with an aching wisdom tooth. It's trying to get out from beneath my gums, and it's PAINFUL. For once in my life, I wish I could get to the dentist and have him pull all of them out. (the dentist back home...his name is Dr Aziz, and I can only recognize him when he's got that mask on.)

Some people hate going to the dentist. Not me. I'm used to it, and dentist don't scare me. I've had braces put on and taken off, and I've had to have them tightened every month (which was bloody painful but worth it). The process of tightening the braces includes removing the individual bands from the individual etchants (attached individually onto the teeth) which are used to hold down the power wire (which pulls the teeth into place), and replacing them and tightening the wire every month. Every time I have them tightened, the teeth will move and realign according to how the power wire is pulled. ...I do a pretty crappy job at describing things.

Anyways, I can't wait to sit on that dentist's chair again and have him pull all my molars out. They're painful~! Especially when they come out. I thought I was done with all the molar thingy. But No... It seems that we've still got some unfinished business. I can't even clamp down cause the gum is freaking swollen. I have to chew with my front teeth like a rabbit! Stupid painful tooth.

I remember feeling ugly when I was a kid because I had crooked teeth. I didn't smile much, and even if I did, I never showed my teeth.

Today wasn't all bad. My cheesecake (which I made last night... and it used yogurt instead of cream cheese... it's cheating, yes, but it tasted great~!) got positive reviews from my baker flatmate (he works at a bakery...) and from my boyfriend, who eats everything I prepare. I'm glad. :D

...I'm aware of some of the typos from the last post. It's because I sometimes don't bother with spell-check. I spelled 'woke' as 'wokr' and 'smoke' as 'smome'. :P

Today was ok

2007-09-25T00:29:00.000+12:00

I wokr up late today. I've been trying to sleep early, and waking up early. But once your circadian rhythm is delayed roughly 5 hours, it's gonna take a while.

So I woke up late. I washed my face, fed the cat, ran out the house to get to the Halal meat shop, trying to get home before 5. The property manager was supposed to meet me after five (whenever thatr is...) and I wanted more meat. I was thinking of having more udon with broth, like the one in the photo below.

After I got back from the shop with NZ$35.80 worth of chicken breast, beef mince, beef schnitzel, and a bit of topside meat, i get home and I open the freezer door.

Only to discover that it's jam packed with all sorts of crap. A little bit of spicy wedges, probably from last year, frozen fruit from last april, frozen fish... and the funny thing is that I own all the fish. Yeah...well, I'm not into fish right now. It changes with the season.

So after moving things around, I managed to squeeze in more crap.

I wanted udon with broth, but after seeing all the fish and chips, I decided to eat them instead. Trying to rotate my stock.

Anyways, on the bus ride home from the meat shop (yes, I am aware that the chronology of the story is messed up) I saw the ad on the bus stop which said "I think that it's SAD if you think that you have to smome to feel accepted", with the photo of a tattoo laddened rocker-dude next to the text.

And i think; that is so BULLSHIT. The dude in the photo probably smoked too. Nyehh.

I smoke, yes. But I don't smoke to 'feel accepted'. I smoke occasionally, and sometimes, I smoke alone. I smoke because I like having abit of nicotine in my system every now and then.

Yeah, this post doesn't make sense.

Bitch, answer the phone!

2007-09-23T21:41:00.000+12:00

When the phone rings, and when you're in the living room watching TV, can ya answer the phone, huh, bitch?

I have a flatmate. And she never answers the phone. Even when she's in the living room watching a re-run of 'Sharpe' starring Sean Bean, and the phone rings, she'll just stare at the damned TV, probably drooling over Sean Bean since she's practically socially retarded. (Yeah, I know I'm sounding mean. But she pisses me off!)

Also, she leaves her pots, pans, plates and utensils soaking for days, leaving them on the already-narrow kitchen counter. Must you soak everything?

And you suck at playing cello. You're off key, off beat, and overall, it sounds like you're whacking the damned thing with one of your pots. Ick.

When the phone rings, answer it, you bitch! You annoy me.